My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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