Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
