im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
