You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
