It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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