eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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