I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
