Dual....:-)
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
