do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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