Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
