please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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