My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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