Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
