i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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