a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
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I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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