i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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