I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
