My room smells like vodka and shame
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
