I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
