alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
