Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
