Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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