i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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