I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
