Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
