I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I believe in your delicious
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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