I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
