The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
