I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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