Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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