I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
