yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
