Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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