i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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