Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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