I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Im part way to drunk.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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