This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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