just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
