My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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