It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
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obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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