My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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