I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
