I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
