you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
