i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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