hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
