Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
