brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
