so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
