This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
