i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
