Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
