Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
