So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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