I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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