I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
