I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
