he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
