my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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