Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
