Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
