she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
