How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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