Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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