You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
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Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize