He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
