Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
