Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
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happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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