I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
