Small penises have feelings too.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
