Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
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You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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