I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
