I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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