Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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